Monday, August 20, 2012

Nap Time Dream (Abduction by actuaries)

Today I had the day off.
I have been trying to get my creative brain juices flowing and doodling all day.
I have not been able to be as creatively active as I would prefer due to my work schedule.
After lunch I saw that my boyfriend (who was also home for the day) was laying down to nap so I decided to join him. Almost the moment my head hit the pillow I started to dream.

Not one of those just fun kinda trippy dreams.
The not so fun, makes you laugh nervously as you question the validity of reality upon waking dreams.

I was being abducted. I could not move.
But this wasn't the old "alien" one, two.
I wasn't being floated away by little grey men.
This was by guys in red work jumpers (like a Dickies jumper) with black trim.
There was no floating, but the terrible sensation of being totally aware and awake and unable to move. As I was haled away I could not even blink. So the whole dream had a very strange and disconcerting "single take' kind of consistency to it. No fades. No weird murky dream time transitions or cuts. Just a constant stream of data, the inability to move, or so much as speak.

They worked for an insurance company.
Or more what WAS once an insurance company.

But first there was my tooth.
My left rear molar.
It was being drilled into - and I could feel the pressure and the vibration of the drill.
I was told it was because a microphone was being implanted so that I could be monitored.
Now I have had that tooth drilled in my life. Twice actually - it is my only tooth with fillings. While that is a comfort in the way it is a rational explanation now that I am awake - in the dream that knowledge lent an extra gleam of terror; the paranoia that 1) this feels really really real, and 2) that my fillings have been nothing but a cover for a nefarious plot all this time.

Then it just kept getting stranger.

After my dentistry appointment I am sat down in front of another guy in a variation of the red and black suit. Although this time it is less like a Dickies jumper and more like a vintage 1950's "man of the future" sort of soviet inspired suit set (like a chef jacket with brass buttons) It has been a couple of hours now since I woke up - so the details are fading. But basically I am told that 1) I am being tracked, but 2) that I know this, and they are just reminding me, as they do every time they bring me in. My name is Erin - but my last name is different. Something like Baer. They represent a firm of actuaries. Then I "remember"; They once were an insurance company. But some how and some where - they acquired a scientists invention; the ability to travel between, and communicate through alternate dimensions. They were odds players of a galactic scale. And they used people like me not to report what was actually happening in various worlds - but to speculate on what COULD happen in those worlds. Because any realities circumstances will inherently lead to a kind of global group think as far as what IS and what is NOT possible. But every world will inherently generate people that can think outside of boxes and it was those idea's they were tracking. One worlds "what if" is only another worlds "eventually". And for their own gains they used this incomprehensible amount of data to calculate probability.

Then I start to feel like maybe I am not me. Maybe this IS really me. And my waking self if a cover. Am I plant? Am I part of the firm? Or is this brain washing by the actuaries? I see a mirror - I look like me. I am sat down in a chair - and made to play a video game with my thoughts alone. Not for entertainment. But to check cognitive calibration. the idea being that if you can look at the target and think "shoot" and accurately hit the mark - they know they haven't scrambled your brains too bad. I still can't talk or even blink. Movement from place to place if either on a gurney looking at people or lights, and then having two people hoist me by my arms. Things get kind of swirly. I am put in the back of a car seat. I look up through the windows and see trees and stars.
I am being transported. I wonder if they are taking me back home, and why I can see through the roof to more stars. it isn't a convertable. it is all just glass.

Then my boyfriend sqweezed my hand.
I am instantly pulled out of it.
Like an old TV turning off - it all vanished into a circle/ vacuum in the middle of my vision.
And I was awake.
In my bed, arm still over my boyfriends torso just like when I laid down.
An hour and a half had gone by.

Overall it felt like all the creativity I wanted from my brain kind of hit all at once.
It was a very interesting dream experience because the transition from awake consciousness to dream consciousness and back felt like it had no firm transition. I have never experienced a dive into a deep dreaming sleep like that before. That doubled the unnerving feeling throughout the dream and then into waking again. You have that moment of doubt where you question which reality is real. Also was that in the dream (like any dream) everything seems plausible. it was super spooky. And the way the actuary stuff worked was clearer to me right after. even now everything seems cognitively dull around the edges.

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