Monday, August 20, 2012

Nap Time Dream (Abduction by actuaries)

Today I had the day off.
I have been trying to get my creative brain juices flowing and doodling all day.
I have not been able to be as creatively active as I would prefer due to my work schedule.
After lunch I saw that my boyfriend (who was also home for the day) was laying down to nap so I decided to join him. Almost the moment my head hit the pillow I started to dream.

Not one of those just fun kinda trippy dreams.
The not so fun, makes you laugh nervously as you question the validity of reality upon waking dreams.

I was being abducted. I could not move.
But this wasn't the old "alien" one, two.
I wasn't being floated away by little grey men.
This was by guys in red work jumpers (like a Dickies jumper) with black trim.
There was no floating, but the terrible sensation of being totally aware and awake and unable to move. As I was haled away I could not even blink. So the whole dream had a very strange and disconcerting "single take' kind of consistency to it. No fades. No weird murky dream time transitions or cuts. Just a constant stream of data, the inability to move, or so much as speak.

They worked for an insurance company.
Or more what WAS once an insurance company.

But first there was my tooth.
My left rear molar.
It was being drilled into - and I could feel the pressure and the vibration of the drill.
I was told it was because a microphone was being implanted so that I could be monitored.
Now I have had that tooth drilled in my life. Twice actually - it is my only tooth with fillings. While that is a comfort in the way it is a rational explanation now that I am awake - in the dream that knowledge lent an extra gleam of terror; the paranoia that 1) this feels really really real, and 2) that my fillings have been nothing but a cover for a nefarious plot all this time.

Then it just kept getting stranger.

After my dentistry appointment I am sat down in front of another guy in a variation of the red and black suit. Although this time it is less like a Dickies jumper and more like a vintage 1950's "man of the future" sort of soviet inspired suit set (like a chef jacket with brass buttons) It has been a couple of hours now since I woke up - so the details are fading. But basically I am told that 1) I am being tracked, but 2) that I know this, and they are just reminding me, as they do every time they bring me in. My name is Erin - but my last name is different. Something like Baer. They represent a firm of actuaries. Then I "remember"; They once were an insurance company. But some how and some where - they acquired a scientists invention; the ability to travel between, and communicate through alternate dimensions. They were odds players of a galactic scale. And they used people like me not to report what was actually happening in various worlds - but to speculate on what COULD happen in those worlds. Because any realities circumstances will inherently lead to a kind of global group think as far as what IS and what is NOT possible. But every world will inherently generate people that can think outside of boxes and it was those idea's they were tracking. One worlds "what if" is only another worlds "eventually". And for their own gains they used this incomprehensible amount of data to calculate probability.

Then I start to feel like maybe I am not me. Maybe this IS really me. And my waking self if a cover. Am I plant? Am I part of the firm? Or is this brain washing by the actuaries? I see a mirror - I look like me. I am sat down in a chair - and made to play a video game with my thoughts alone. Not for entertainment. But to check cognitive calibration. the idea being that if you can look at the target and think "shoot" and accurately hit the mark - they know they haven't scrambled your brains too bad. I still can't talk or even blink. Movement from place to place if either on a gurney looking at people or lights, and then having two people hoist me by my arms. Things get kind of swirly. I am put in the back of a car seat. I look up through the windows and see trees and stars.
I am being transported. I wonder if they are taking me back home, and why I can see through the roof to more stars. it isn't a convertable. it is all just glass.

Then my boyfriend sqweezed my hand.
I am instantly pulled out of it.
Like an old TV turning off - it all vanished into a circle/ vacuum in the middle of my vision.
And I was awake.
In my bed, arm still over my boyfriends torso just like when I laid down.
An hour and a half had gone by.

Overall it felt like all the creativity I wanted from my brain kind of hit all at once.
It was a very interesting dream experience because the transition from awake consciousness to dream consciousness and back felt like it had no firm transition. I have never experienced a dive into a deep dreaming sleep like that before. That doubled the unnerving feeling throughout the dream and then into waking again. You have that moment of doubt where you question which reality is real. Also was that in the dream (like any dream) everything seems plausible. it was super spooky. And the way the actuary stuff worked was clearer to me right after. even now everything seems cognitively dull around the edges.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Last Nights Dream

I'm twelve. I don't know if I am supposed to be ME when I WAS twelve, or if I am some one else who IS twelve (which is what I am leaning towards in hindsight). But I know I am twelve, and I know I am sleeping over at my friend's "house". It isn't really her house. Her Mom and Dad are going through a divorce (a really bad one) and her and her Mom have been living with her (my friends) uncle and aunt. I don't know which of the two of them is the sibling to the mother. We sleep on the couch - we're small enough to fit on it feet to feet, and we watch scary movies all night and eat pop corn until we passed out. I know all of this when I "wake up" in the dream.

I wake up and the uncle is shaking me and my friend awake. A woman is screaming and sobbing in the back ground. The house is dark still - its not yet morning, and the room is lit in the inconsistent light from static on the television in front of the couch. My eyes are burry, my head is still thick with sleep. But I can hear the panic in his voice, something is really wrong. My chest tightens in flight or fight. My brain clears, and I start to look around - my friend is just starting to wake up like I am. A man is crumpled on the floor in front of the couch before us. The blood is like a lake. The Couch is a make shift raft on a pool of blood that encompasses the man and continues to engulf the couch. That explains why My friends uncle is crouching on the couch, kneeling half on our feet. I don't know why but it just makes sense to me. I don't know if he jumped over the blood, and the corpse to the couch to us. But it lends the feel that we are all clinging to this sofa shaped life raft in an impossible amount of blood.

A woman is still bellowing in the back ground. All this rest happens so fast, its all so discombobulating that I don't know the how or the what. But I think the uncle tells us that the dead man is my friends dad - or she knew and recognized him and he confirmed it was him. The Dead man is her father. Her mother is upstairs, and she is dead as well. He broke in, found the sleeping mother, stabbed her to death, and then came down stairs. They don't know if he intended to kill my friend as well - maybe he did and changed his mind, maybe he saw us there and thought she was happy with friends etc, and didn't want to take that. I don't know. But he killed him self - put the knife into his chest. That is why he was crumpled on the floor in front of us.

At some point the uncle isn't with us on the couch any more. He is with the aunt across the room. She is covered in blood, and crying, and destroyed. I figure she must have been my friends mom's sister. Then something happens. I feel something in the air like steam, or a current rippling through water cuts through the air. And everything in me wants to run. I look behind me towards the grey light of the TV and onto the floor with the bloodless man. The air blurs, something moves past me from the ground and the area of the corpse. It feels like hot sticky wind and I go all goose pimply as I turn in the direction the mass headed. The uncles voice suddenly drops by several octaves and sounds warbled like an old record. His candor towards his wife switches from consoling her and mumbling about the police getting there to squeezing her arms and that voice coming out of him.

"YoU kNoW i'Ve BeEn UnDeR a LoT of PrESsuRe!" Roars out of the uncle. The voice is like an angry river, it isn't human. I want to run SO bad. I think he is possessed. Maybe by the dead father. I don't know. I think of things I see in movies. Ways to stop him. I feel my hands go numb. Its something bigger. Some thing impossible. I want to run. I wake up instead.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Last nights dream

The world had gone Dark.
Something happened - and their was no power anywhere the global grid had crashed.
And in the lack of not just light, but communications, no one knew what was going on.
It was chaos - but the dream started months into this.
People wondered if it was solar flares and electro magnetic storms, or had we been hacked by China in a silent cold war that was over and lost before we knew it had begun?
At the point where the dream started, there was some power running, but it was miniscule.
Townships, municipalities, and Cities could only run the most important services and lamps at night.
The nation was under Martial Law.
TV stations were running again, but only regional stations and broad casts. And what national feeds that worked were from interlinking and relaying from the network of regional stations - no satellites.
This was a problem because Digital signals don't carry as far as Analog.
There were holes - and large information "dark zones".
And in the dream - the prime national story was about a crew of Astronauts that NASA with plenty of private backing had sent up into space to get a birds eye view of the nature of the cluster fuck.
But communication had been lost.
The project was being relayed directly through NORAD as they had independent electrical and radar, and they lost them.
And the paranoia was sinking in deep.
People in town, even the National Guard troops stationed every where were talking.
What was up there in the big old black - what happened to them?
Where they fried by solar radiation, abducted by aliens, shot down by China?
Or even more frightening - had communication simply failed - and they were floating out there, lost and alone, and blind?
In the dream - I knew all of this, it was all common knowledge.
And the only thing i remember happening in real time - was looking at my town from a newly built fire tower, and seeing the few lamps that were lit.
The important cross roads had single street lights.
What ever effected the grid had not been terrestrial in nature, things still worked IF you had juice to power them.
So people still drove at night - you could see the little points of light of the few people who were still willing to come and go at dark.
In the dream, I was not alone in the fire tower, but I don't remember who I was there with. But we were both concerned.
We were worried about the Astronauts and what their fate was - and what that meant for the greater situation of us all.
We were worried about how long order could be maintained - it had barely been kept.
(small details i knew in my head - like that Morse Code had been made an official language again, and was being used again along with telegraphs, and regional light signals, and couriers)
Order could be maintained as long as their was power - and we both knew how strenuous and how delicate that situation was for the area.
I looked at the lamps of town, I could count their number on two hands, and the burden of unknowing was so heavy I wanted to cry.
And then I woke up.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE (or; Night shoots and the joys of legal arson)

What did you Do for work last Friday?

I did THIS;

Last week we did some really interesting night shoots. A couple nights were dedicated to a fireman's picnic, where we had about 100 -150 extras, and then Friday - we burnt a 2 story 5 room farm house to the ground.

Here are some pics from the madness.

Feeding the extras.

Video Village.

The stellar Ms. Jacobs and Ms. Kraft

A Self Portrait.

The Crew at work.

Shooting all the coverage in a scene where a house burns down is a fast paced and crazy affair. Once the blaze got going the fire department would have to step in between takes to keep it under control. Once we got most of the shots in, the blaze was allowed to follow its natural course. Unfortunately my camera battery died, and I was not able to photograph it to its amazing collapse and cindery end. Many people were taking photo's though, so I am sure I will be able to link up to some far better portfolios than my meager snap shots.

Hopefully I will have more photos from the shoot, IF I remember to bring my camera to work EVER. Which is pretty iffy - as running around as a chicken with it's head cut off seems to be the rule of the day - every day.

Next time I get to burn a house down - I swear dear friends I will send out invites to the festivities.
I miss you all terribly.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Two in a Year is too many

While my Uncle was visiting from California when I was in Sixth grade, his slightly mentally deranged German Shepherd / retriever mix rescue Dog Keella decapitated my beloved guinea pig Ghost.
The dog had a history of attempting to burry my uncles new kitten alive in their back yard, so the news was not so shocking that she had dispatched my sweet little guinea pig, even considering the fact that my Mom delivered the news to me just as I got off the bus in a teary guilt filled out burst of "He eat her head!".

My uncle, feeling really bad that his dog killed my pet, went out and did what many adults do when facing such a situation - He bought a replacement guinea pig.

The replacement guinea pig was albino, which at first seemed cool - until it became painfully clear that "Albino" with a guinea pig basically translated to "retarded". 6 years later that wretched screaming little creature met its timely and natural end - and my Mother began to consider finally buying the house rabbit she always wanted for out next pet. While at the pet shop she was hunched down looking at the rabbits, and she felt something crawling up her polar fleece hoody. A small yellow kitten had decided to crawl up her back, and snuggle in her hood and promptly began purring and fell asleep.

That day I came home to find a cheshire cat grin on my Moms face, and a small ginger and white kitten on the table in front of me. After debating on names, and even jokingly considering AJ5K short for "Ass jet 5000" - it was decided at Cosmo, as my Mother always liked the name.

Yesterday that cat, my cat - Died.

I was not there - At home, which I think I am actually thankful for, as reports from of my Mom seem to show I was saved the trauma of seeing him at his weakest. But it is still hard to think the last time I saw him will be forever the LAST time I saw him.
I new he was sick, but I was really hoping it was just a virus, and that he would be fine - I would come home next month from my internship and my buddy would be there.

Here is how Cosmo and I spent many a happy hour.

So long Cosmo, you will be sorrily missed.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Hellboy & Surreal goodness in La La Land

So last week I flew out to LA, as I was lucky enough to be invited out to a special prescreening of Hellboy II; The Golden Army.

First, let me say that the film KICKS ASS!
I could try and over intellectualize my review, in a poor attempt to mask my total nerdy glee, but Why bother?
It is Shinny, and Wonderful, and Fun. There is blessedly little CGI, and plenty of good laughs. And you should all go see it on the 11th when it comes out, take your friends and family, and then go see it again.

After the screening, there was an after party. All of the cast save Ron Perlman were there, as was Mike Mignola, and Guillermo Del Toro. All of which I was fortunate enough to meet.

It was a very surreal. But also overwhelmingly positive. Other than getting the rare opportunity to talk to one the very top directors and visionaries I admire most, I met so many other wonderful people. In the ranks of the attendee group I was part of were some very special and lovely people I greatly look forward to keeping in touch with. My couple of days out there were filled with good company, good food, good beer, and great conversation.

It was also an overwhelming wake up call.
I guess it is fairly common to at some point realize you have become derailed from pursuing what you want to do in life, and a course correction is sorely needed. But that is what this trip was for me. So with hard work, and a good dose of luck, by this time next year I will be living some where else, and some how actively involved with film production and/or comic books. I have already given notice at one of my part time jobs to work on my portfolio more, and sent out a resume' to some productions with open calls for crew in the state.

Here are some Odd thoughts on LA I have

1) Fuck Taxi's -( the traffic is no worse than Chicago) - get a rental car.

2) Don't trust your average Concierge - they are in cahoots with the cabbies - the sneeky bastards....

3) Everything in LA in cranked to 11 visually - and very very stimulating - a people watching gold mine.

4) LA feels flat as a pancake- and short, its weird

5) The Highland Center looks like something out of Alan Moore's "Promethia", which I love in strange way.

6) Apparently MANY people in LA never got the fax, that the 80's overall did indeed suck, and that the fashions of the late 80's metal / rock scene were BAD ideas. Seriously strange.

7) Almost Everyone in LA it seems, upon hearing you are from out of town, WILL eventually ask if you are moving there, commonly as the 2nd or 3rd thing they say to you. They will then continue to tell you it is not that hard to find work or a place to stay, and in a slightly creepy Jim Jones sort of way try to convince you that you should.

That is about it.
I would post more, but my grey matter is still finding it hard to grasp that it happened.
Sort of dream like I guess.

But I think I will post a second blog, with more pictures, and TONS of links to the fabulous pages of all the lovely people I met.


Monday, May 19, 2008

Gotham and the Green Machine

( yeah, Chicago isn't Gotham - But it's where they film the new Batman movies)

This week end my Mother and I attended the 2008 Green Festival in Chicago.

( )

Now I would like to point out right away that YES – I do see and understand a certain level of inherent hypocrisy in Driving 750 miles round trip to go to a Green Festival. I know – not very Carbon Foot Print friendly. I get it, please DO NOT post back with some lecture, I know I know I know. But on the good side of things – we stayed in the outer suburbs and took the METRA in to town. So there.


That being said, We had a great time. There was an amazing amount of vendors and attendees. We didn’t even need to eat lunch on Saturday because of the wonderful - and down right overwhelming amount of food vendors there to show off their amazing selection of vegan, vegetarian, organic, and sustainable foodstuffs. Everything from Free Trade Coffee, to Vegan Bakery and Sweetshops. All I can say is YUM!


We are planning on renovating the family home, and figure that if we are going to need to take out a bank loan to do it, we might as well try to do it as “green” as possible. So this weekend was justified as “Research and Development”.
There was an impressive turn out of businesses selling their services in this field. Unfortunately – they are all in the Chicago area, and the presence of general manufacturers or renovation assistance groups could be at best described as wanting.
I was hoping to find a group or some such that specialized in getting general info out to the public on green renovation, perhaps with a directory of businesses within each state that offered green services – no such luck.

One thing that I thought was a bit odd, funny even – was the amount of businesses selling sustainable redecorating materials and goods. See, call me crazy, but I would think the green thing to do – would be to NOT get new cabinets, but to settle for your old ones, and just resurface them. I can understand if you are building your own home – PLEASE by all means build as green as you can, But if you are trashing old stuff for new “Sustainable” green stuff – you are officially a retard- congratulations you haven’t helped the world at all.

There were a lot of great presenters there as well, one of whom I was lucky enough to take in was Greg Palast. ( ) You may be familiar with the work he has done with the UK newspaper the Guardian on vote manipulation during the last two presidential election cycles. He is working on looking into ways certain groups may be looking to discredit the votes of certain citizens this election cycle as well. I picked up the new DVD he has on it (any one who wants to barrow it is free to). Here is a pic of me getting the DVD signed.


In other news;

All last month we had a film Crew up here in the Sticks of Wisconsin filming the new movie “Public Enemies” ( ).
It was very exciting, and VERY good for our regional economy. I personally thank every member of the film crew that went shopping in out little town.
And because things like this DO NOT happen here all the time, I hung out by the film set a couple of nights just to watch the un-excitement. They were shooting at an old Lodge called Little Bohemia, which is set pretty far back in the woods, but it was cool just to see the extras in costume, the trucks and trailers, and the REALLY big boom light rig they had out by the road.


And I got to meet Christian Bale.

That was pretty fucking cool, I mean he’s BATMAN!!!.

Here he is signing my copy of “The Prestige”.


I promised I would have some sketches up here soon. I WILL get some up, but it has been crazy busy, so forgive me.

And here are some shots of my super cute puppy Goldie;